This week in Clerihews – Lord Lawson and Chris Heaton-Harris

Climate change denier Lord Lawson
Really should proceed with caution
When claiming temperatures are lower than he oughtta
Rising sea levels will see him in hot water

On R4’s Today programme, tax-cuts-for-the-rich loving Nigel “Nigella’s Dad” Lawson was allowed to make an unchallenged statement that global temperatures had not risen over the past few years. At first the Beeb defended the interview, but were eventually forced to admit that the science was flaky when a group of Year 1 students were able to show that his statement was wrong and they understood when one number was bigger than the one that went before it better than Milk Snatcher’s former Chancellor of the Exchequer.


Conservative whip Chris Heaton-Harris
Set himself up as the Tory thought police
His methods were just a little bit farcey
And he was denounced as a pound shop McCarthy

News broke last week that serial corporate gift accepter Chris Heaton-Harris had written to all universities demanding to know the names, home addresses, childrens’ names, children’s social media accounts, family trees going back to the period of Danelaw, National Insurance numbers, MOT test results and favourite Spice Girl of all lecturers who were teaching an anti-Brexit stance during their seminars. The letter, which of course was highly welcomed by Nazi sympathiser shitrag The Daily Mail, was later passed off by a fellow Conservative up-jumped spunk bubble as ‘research for an upcoming book’ tentatively titled “Let’s String Up All Those Loony Left Anti-Patriot Bastards And Hang Them From An EU Flag Pole”.